Well…it’s Spring

Wow. It’s been awhile hasn’t it? Well that’s how life goes I suppose. Well it is 3:30 pm here is Washington State, a lovely 66 degrees with sun. Very abrupt season changes we are having here, winter then bam, spring. Everyone’s wardrobe seemed to change overnight with the weather-girls are getting sun on the lawn, guys wandering around in t-shirts and shorts…now we just have to wait for allergies to set in. All of this is very nice and beautiful except the part where the workload grows huge and I am stuck in my dorm…studying…looking out the window…and feeling like an elementary child held inside for recess. I mean I was in my class earlier today thinking of the 1001 things I rather be doing (or simply rather be) than there. I could go golfing, swimming, running, walking, hiking, kayaking, canoeing, mountain climbing, to the beach, to the mountain, throw a Frisbee (Frisbee is always popular at universities…silly people), perhaps a vacation to an island (since my mom did not take me to Palau…ok so it was a business trip) but still…

Yes, I have been keeping busy here at PLU; 3 political science courses and a philosophy course. Doing an internship/help thing on a state representative campaign (If you are from the 27th district you should vote Lauren Walker…just saying), trying to get Fall registration, a study away trip, and my senior capstone figured out for next year, looking to apply for a job (possibly H&M) since I will be turning 18 in May, and still trying to find some time for theatre in there somewhere. I need to get my contacts, fix my glasses, get on exercising again, get some good summer wear and….cut my nails it seems…anyway, I won’t even say the other stuff …It’s been…well umm…yeah. So busy here, but it should turn out alright I hope. 

Figured I might start posting every once in a while again…at least once a week would be nice. Anything that dominates my interest may be what you hear about. Probably politics a bit (forgive me, it’s my major), but it so I ask you to actually read it to understand-not necessarily to agree or disagree. Anyway as always if you have questions or want to suggest a topic comment and let me know. I will do my best to research it and get back to you ( I mean who sleeps anyway?) ..oh…something else I have to do…go to class..hmm…well take care and enjoy the little things.

The Old and The New

Hello there! Ok so I have not posted in a while for 2 reasons (Yes these are actually reasons I had vs. just making up excuses). First is that for a few days there were no views of my last blog-we all get busy and it just did not make sense to write a new one if people had not seen the last one. The second reason was…I did not have it in me and I was (well…still am) exhausted. It has been a rough week.  However folks, take refuge in the fact that it is, for another 20 min at least, Friday! Forgive the Rebecca Black song that just started playing in your head. Ok so this post I do not have like a big solidified topic for so it will hopefully be sort of upbeat, fast, and quick. Before we begin however, I thank you for taking time to read and hope you are all doing well. 

Ok so to start things off, we will hit some of the catch up and unfun stuff first. Here in the US we have had a couple rather significant things happen recently. Some rather mixed or controversial ones are Tracey Davis’ execution and the 9 Republican hopeful’s Orlando TV thing a ma jig. Even though I find myself in Washington state it seems the effect of such things demand popular attention-so I will briefly just give my opinion. To the first I believe that Davis was wrongly executed and should have been released shortly after witnesses started to recount their tales. Reading through the details of the case it was actually quite unbelievable that we were to this stage at all as the evidence was very shaky and certainly not enough to convict a man to death. Any lawyer worth his/her salt could have seen obvious flaws in the case. So a lot of people are wondering why didn’t the Supreme Court? Hmm…something to think about. I am a rather patriotic person, I do not deny that and I love my country-but we do have to recognize when we mess up, and, perhaps more importantly…why and how do we fix it? The Republican tv broadcast focused mainly on the two lead hopefuls-Mr. Perry and Mr. Romney. This was unfortunate as I am hoping either does not become President. Perry spent his time bashing others (particularly Romney) and being the definition of arrogant. Unfortunately for Mr. Romney, Mr. Perry was correct in some of his accusations and shows that he may be unfit. I am basing this first opinion on their interaction, psychology, and personality…not their policies. Maybe I will do this in the future…dedicate a paragraph to one Nation and International news blip…help us all be more cognizant, ha. 

First off…that is insane. *Ahem* Sorry, so as I said it has been a rough week so I once again apologize for my late post which will appear the first of October. I have been getting little sleep and have trouble falling asleep, my eating patterns are not what they should be so I am losing weight, and everyone on campus seems to be catching a cold or the flu. I am here like “Don’t touch me, breath on me, or look at me”. My classes I have been finishing work just in time though I have a good idea of a handle on them and hopefully should be able to work out the kinks in the next week or so. So school, overall, is going better thank goodness. I am not a very public person when it comes to personal matters so it will suffice to say that I have recently had some relationship problems and it was…and is, making things rather difficult. I have taken to watching “The Tudors” and I find I like it. I am on Season four, or the final season and hopefully will be able to finish it soon. I may be selling fine clothing again on ebay soon so look for the Username blubeaglets and keep an eye out for something you, or someone you know,may like. Let’s do a random fact you may not know….Did you know…”Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades – King David; Clubs – Alexander the Great;Hearts-Charlemagne and Diamonds – Julius Caesar.” I didn’t…I can add that to my playing card knowledge. There seemed to be a few more things I wanted to tell you that were somewhat of a less trivial nature…but I cannot remember them and I want to get at least 7 hours of sleep one night out of 3 weeks so…

Sunday night I was sitting in my dorm-studying rather loosely as my girlfriend was there leaning on me, when I get a text. It is from one of my many-time Directors and long-time friends, Hally Phillips. She asks me if I am auditioning for Oliver the musical at the Lakewood Playhouse. I quite honestly reply I don’ t even know when auditions are and had not really even considered it. She said the last two days for auditions are tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesday and that I should. I remind you all again this is late Sunday night so I hesitate to respond then say I will check my schedule to make sure it will not interfere with classes and such tomorrow and let her know if I can come Tuesday. She says Tuesday at 7:30? Ok great, see you then! I respond with a feeble perhaps if I can…and get a “See you then, Love you” message. So I, in a matter of minutes am like “Wow…that’s sudden, well maybe I can if I check, O-K then…guess I’m auditioning”. I have no idea what the play is about, it’s a musical so in addition to my monologue I need a song to sing some verses from, need to get work and classes out of the way and things organized in less than 48 hours, and did I mention it will be my first ever mainstage audition? Well I scrambled to find a monologue and resorted to good ol’ “Brush up Your Shakespeare” which I sang for a previous play. When I got on stage for my audition my confidence wavered and so I chickened out on the monologue I had been practicing and did the V for Vendetta Speech instead. Auditions went pretty well-yay. Callbacks the next day at 6:15. Double Yay-made callbacks-the 1st major hurdle. Callbacks…went..awful. The worst callbacks I have ever done for a show. I was just “off” almost all around -singing…definitely dancing..which is odd cause I am usually one of the fastest learners and best dancers…but fortunately in the acting department I still did pretty well. Well the first day to rehearse was supposed to be today, now Saturday October 1st, at 1-5 pm so we were expecting calls Thursday or Friday. No news Thursday. I know I did badly and I am sweating it. I just got over being incompetent and having a confidence and security issue of who I am because of academics-can I not act too? Then Friday at 12:07pm…I get a call. I am in class. In the back row. Of a crowded classroom. I cannot answer it. I wait the excruciating 28 more minutes till class is over then listen to the voicemail….says to call her back. So I call her back and get…her voicemail. So I entertain the idea of breaking something in frustration and go back to my dorm to exercise then grab some lunch and relax a bit before I hit the books. I never leave my phone out of my sight and, because of my jumpiness, knock over my dr. pepper on the carpet….two times. After cleaning, settling down, and eating…I finally get a call about 45 min after I left a message. I am just hoping I got in-understand? Even an “Ensemble” part would be great as it would keep my reputation of every play I audition for I got a part in….but no. I didn’t get Ensemble. I got an actual character role. He may not be a big character (Again, no bloody clue what Oliver Twist is really about..) but I got a named character role. For that reason..I think you should all visit the Lakewood Playhouse website-find the dates for Oliver…and plan to make it to Lakewood to watch the play. 

Anyway…I am tired and still forgot the important things so…again thank you very much for taking time to read, feel free to comment or suggest anything and take care.

Getting Lost: When things just don’t work out like their supposed to…

Hello there…hope you are all doing quite well on this Monday September 19th. It’s already and only the 19th. Funny how time does that kind of stuff. I was looking at the near projected forecast for the Tacoma area and..this state is insane. We finally get out of the 80 degree weather, within 4 days are down to low 60′s…and now we are going back into the 70′s? Someone up there is messing with the thermometer. I was looking forward to cooler weather…oh well.

Sorry about the delay time to me posting again-by the way-in case you mean to start blogging keep this in mind: Blogging audience are only loyal if you are consistent! I know it kinda makes sense but still…Anyway, have had a very rough past few days so that was the primary reason I was “afktb” (away from keyboard to blog). Kills me when people make up those kinda things…I saw one that was like “lolshwmipdidhadbiidhnwbl!” (laughing out loud so hard with my imaginary petdinosaur, I don’t have a dinosaur, but if I did his name would be larry!) Anyway-school junk mostly. I changed down from French 201 to French 102 and that still wasn’t work due to how long it’s been and my lack of background. First time I had to drop a class and say “I can’t handle this” so it was pretty…yeah. Again-this may seem like nothing to some of you but I built up who I am around my stupid pride and ability to “handle things” and …yeah so dreams were killed and the person I thought I was …expunged. Ok-not really THAT bad I guess but I am in theatre so…

See? Dreams? Smashed…

Anyway, hopefully I can salvage my Political Science/Global Studies degree…if not I will just have to change…not thinking of that right now however…tiring and depressing. Good news however is I actually have a bit of free time. Yay? …after doing stuff back to back forever when you stop a bit with some free time it seems too much free time…and all that tiredness you had stacked up hits you. So, my solution? I need a job. If you guys know any great employers around Tacoma hiring College aged handsome young man with a high school diploma, AA degree, and great potential (no prior work experience) let me know. It would have to be part-time and preferably something kinda not typical a bit above min wage but all ideas welcome. (Money works too..after all you work to get money..)Anyway-the Buick Regal 2011 model got #1 in rankings for upscale midsize cars and it is the least expensive of the bunch. I am still a bit sore about that new car I never got so…the 2012 model I am not sure about though…I will have to get a manual on turbo though cause the regular 4 liter isn’t doing it for me…In the meantime I will pass my time trying to find a job, establish contacts, perhaps do a play, or maybe..maybe even really get involved in campus life? :O…I know. Oh-I will also try to get ahead of my classes cause that’s always kinda good to do. For any teacher/tech people out there-ebay look for CPS or Classroom Performance System equipment by the name of blubeaglets…

I was just reminded of a very important fact…the Puyallup fair ends this weekend and I have not gone. Granted I have been a bit busy but I mean…it’s almost gone…so I am hoping I can get SOMEONE to find a break from work to go with me. The Wayra Cd’s, ship models, cool blanket and trinket stuff is always good. Corn and Elephant ear…yum. Speaking of Yum I should probably head to the UC to grab dinner here in a minute. Then I can work on Anthropology. This weekend if you are around the Lakewood area, Ray Bradbury’s “Something Wicked This Way Comes” opens Friday night at the Lakewood Playhouse and runs for the next few weeks. See it. As I was making the stressful decision of whether to drop my class, possibly endanger my future, and change my idea of myself…I felt the longing for ENZT like never before. (Fictional Drug from movie “Limitless” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THE_hhk1Gzc ) Though I would be more than happy for a pill that gave me access of 60-70% of my brains power instead of the 20% I have and instead of 100% so I skip all the..issues…maybe 100…yeah. Anyway-like any sane person who see’s their life going the wrong way and watches as their dreams start to dissolve-turned to insanity. Perhaps the lottery, publishers clearing house, blackjack, texas hold ‘em, a real ENZT, how about stealing gold bars?….Yeah it was pretty bad. It is a shame to have all these expensive taste and see all the nice things out there and not being able to afford them..cruel really.

Wow, college kids are loud. At least the ones in my dorm…well…some of them…my mother’s birthday is coming up and she wants a Kindle…silly mother. I suppose I will let you guys off easy today but mainly because the content of the past few days is WAY more depressing and long than anything I have written before so it’s not fun to read or look at. I ordered “The Tudors: The complete series” a while ago after seeing a few episodes. So I am excited to get that so I could start inserting episodes here and there and learning the whole story. Anyway I better go eat and then study for while so take care and I will try-promise- to post again soon. Something Wicked-read it, see it, Lakewood Playhouse. Be there.

Crazy College, 10 years, and Blackjack

Hey there, hope you are all doing well. Sorry I know I am technically 2 entries…well one behind (11:11-make a wish) since the other was supposed to be today. It is currently 11:12 now here at PLU in Washington and the beginning of the Fall weather…I hope. I used to strictly have a no shorts policy before this summer…then that is all I have been wearing-finally was able to put on pants today and it feels weird. Anyhow-I apologize for my missing entry. Now, as the title suggest we have three main topics of this post that (I hope) to keep short with just a paragraph for each or so. You will have to forgive this first one (technically second as it will be after this) as it is mainly a rant about one of my worst days in college so far and a very overall difficult day…We will then take a retrospect moment to recognize 9/11/2001 with the attacks on the US, and move on to lighter topics..one of which is, you guessed it, blackjack. Let us begin shall we?

Ok so PLU was the school I am at because my parents both like it and it’s close. Don’t get me wrong-it’s a nice school, beautiful campus, interesting and friendly people but…anyway it was the parents’ choice. After I started getting involved in running start in the 11th grade of high school, I was told the common myth. “Great way to save money and transfer to a University to get a bachelors in only 2 more years. We will come back to that a bit later…Anyway so I graduated from high school and Pierce College with my diploma and AA degree and headed off for Pacific Lutheran University for my Bachelors degree. Well I had the common problem of not knowing what the heck I wanted to major in-much less do with my life so I took the natural option, global studies. To me it sounded like something kind of impressive sounding to mask what I thought it really meant-the “I don’t know what the heck I want to do” message (You also have to study away!). Well, as some of you may recall-I got into theatre in high school and now have over 30 performances under me so I thought it would be cool to minor in theatre…just kinda keep an interest alive with some added skills you know? Anyway, so I go around telling everyone I am a Global Studies Major and Theatre minor..sounds decent enough and you get the satisfaction of having a goal…then you get to advising. Oh for Global Studies you need a primary major and I can’t major in theatre and get out in 2 years …so what happens? Bye bye first plan-I am now a Double major in Political Science (figuring I am going to law school later anyways) and Global Studies. So as I was planning to have a higher level of work though less (my crazy 4-5 college classes on top of at least 4 high school ones for running start), I now am double majoring and have more work. So much for breaks eh? So everything is going alright and I tell everyone what I am now…sounds more impressive though everyone wants to ask you about Politics and tell you what’s right…and then, the language requirement of Global studies gets in the way. French. Don’t get me wrong-like the language and still want to learn it…French, Spanish, and Russian are my main goals and then I want to learn more-but-but…I have not taken french in 1-2 years and they placed me in a 200 University level class…so I now have a meeting tomorrow with a concerned professor about my “simple questions” and an advising meeting today telling me if I go to the 100 level and learn up…I will have to stay an extra semester perhaps to figure that out. I was a bit stressed out. Understatement to the max. I am now trying to be a Political Science major and Global Studies minor so I can get out in 2 years and actually learn French instead of fail it. Praying that this works…if not…well that just makes me think about it begin which brings up depression, anger, and self-loathing. This may sound a bit dramatic but please, try to understand. I am a 17 year-old Junior at a University. While there are people younger than me who have accomplished more in so many areas-academic or otherwise, I am still ahead of the average. I built these expectations for myself my whole life and this …thing…threatens to break them all. I mean, the biggest thing is this French class I am going to have to drop tomorrow or Wednesday. I have never dropped a class in my life. I was afraid people would see me and think that I was pathetic, lazy, and could not handle it. I know I can-but I don’t want to risk not doing as well as I can and ruining future plans. I want to have some social life instead of playing constant catch-up. Anyway, I thank you for bearing my uber-long rant…but I can’t truly express how frustrating it is for me-someone accustomed to learning easy and doing well-to have to sacrifice plans like this and pride that I have used my whole life. Will let you know how that goes.

This is a video many around the world are familiar with…especially Americans. We are familiar with it because we say it played over and over constantly…and have memorials every year for this event. The attacks on a day that will be remembered with the same vitality of the 5th of November…September 11, 2001. This was 10 years ago yesterday. 10 years ago yesterday I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I remember the teacher getting a call and their face showing shock and disbelief. I then remember the old clunky school room TV’s of the time being turned on and hearing sirens, voices, and chaos. I remember seeing a plan flying into a building over and over and over and wondering “what does this mean?” “Is this real?” Then I remember seeing a second one hit-flames and ash flew into the air. I remember seeing little specks come from the buildings and fall…a girl asking “Is that a person?” and the teacher quickly turning off the TV, trying to compose themselves, and busy us in different ways. I remember nothing being quite the same after that. Everything from school drills to airports…everything was taken more…seriously. A lot of us young kids had no idea what that meant…the attacks….but we found out didn’t we? Indeed we spent most of the past 10 years of our lives finding out. Over 6000 people were either killed or lost direct family that day…I want you to think of a loved one-and think of every person in their life that cares about them…you will start to see how big the actual statistic is. This attack brought a message to our country-of hate, intolerance, and absolutism. No room for diversity…no room for freedom. 10 years later we look back, honor and respect those who are gone and helped, and look toward the future after ending a long-hard war that made sure my generation would never forget it. We are still here, and we are still strong. Yes, I will be the first to agree, America has a ton of issues….but the idea of America that is still in our core-of freedom, liberty, and justice-of life and the pursuit of happiness-remains. To those in the world who welcome these traits, thank you. To those wishing to destroy us…we are still here, and America-what it truly stands for, will always remain.

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. ” -Abraham Lincoln

Shoot…I may have to take a few days off after this post…sorry guys..short? Not so much. Ok so last paragraph. Got back to the dorm after running back home to say hi to the folks and get advice for my depressed sorry self… With my coffee in hand I looked at my work and said “forget it” for the first time. I went out and listened then began to socialize in the lobby of the 2nd floor of the Residence hall in which I am located. During this time I tried blackjack again. I had been using the methods of general strategy and card counting separately and together -playing mock hands to simulate their effectiveness. Well least effective was general strategy it looked like-granting me only a 200 dollar profit or so using a mock game in which I start out with 1000 dollars and my bet is 100 each hand for a 2 deck game. I then counted cards and my success was about 450 profit. After combining the two and trying the process over and over again I achieved a decent 750 profit while using both methods in cohesion. Today I just out of the blue and practice played a mock trial and won 850….without using the strict 2 doctrines…I may have found another way to play this game. Too bad I can’t actually gamble here or anywhere being 17 eh? ha 850 an hour wouldn’t be bad. Anyway on that slightly more positive note I will wish you a farewell and again apologize for my lengthy post. Take care and talk to you soon.

Just a little side note…

Hello there. It’s 12:30 am here in Washington at the PLU campus. Summer came too late this year…we are still getting 80 something degree weather…I really should be getting to bed soon I suppose…stuff to do before classes tomorrow. Speaking of which I have been introduced fully to all of my classes this semester and …eh. A few of them seem like they can be interesting and one or two difficult but eh, it’s new. I admit I am kinda weary of the classes though it was the same way at Pierce College when I started there and that turned out fine for the most part. My biggest concern is my French class. Have not taken it for a year or two and everyone knows more than I …doesn’t help the instructor spoke French 95% of the time and I did not remember most of it…will have to work extra hard on that….with all this time I don’t have ha. Anyway…it will work out…always does ..somehow. I figured out how to combine counting cards with the basic strategy of blackjack and was pleasantly surprised…practiced in my 15 min breaks after reading 3 hours. I will admit I did have dinner at a good Italian restaurant this evening with my best friend and that was fun…usually always is with her….Sorry rambling. I hope you all are doing well and I figured I would just post a few poems tonight/morning …

One of my personal favorites from childhood:  

Richard Cory by Edwin Arlington Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town, 
We people on the pavement looked at him: 
He was a gentleman from sole to crown, 
Clean-favoured and imperially slim. 

And he was always quietly arrayed, 
And he was always human when he talked; 
But still he fluttered pulses when he said, 
“Good Morning!” and he glittered when he walked. 

And he was rich, yes, richer than a king, 
And admirably schooled in every grace: 
In fine — we thought that he was everything 
To make us wish that we were in his place. 

So on we worked and waited for the light, 
And went without the meat and cursed the bread, 
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, 
Went home and put a bullet in his head. 

The Waves that Roll over the Sea: A personal creation… 

What can we say about the tumult of life?

Perhaps it’s like the waves rolling over the sea.

The seagulls, the swells, the salty sweat?

Perhaps no more than cars, you, and me.

 

Now what about the bigger questions?

Why this and that?

Is there a God? Is that a fish?

What’s in heaven? What about the abyss?

What is on the moon or the seabed floor?

Are lawyers really sharks or is that just metaphor?

 

Now how about the little things like microscopic anemones?

Every little color shade we see-can be refracted in the sea.

And all the diversity in human life?

What about the squid and the cellulites?

 

But perhaps what is most intriguing about life and the sea

-Is what fascinates us about each…their mysteries.

Whether the question is about the heavens or what is in the deep

Not knowing makes it worth it, a maelstrom of glee.

 

So what can we really say about life and the sea?

Both are hauntingly beautiful and both gave birth to thee.

Hope you found them interesting. Take care.

Time

The Phantom of the Opera…wonderful movie-I encourage you to add it to your list of musicals.

Hello there-currently 1 am Monday September 5th here at PLU in Washington. I hope you are all doing well and had a good weekend. Well ever since I came to live in the dorm I have been falling asleep after 2 and waking before 8…last night was after 3 and I woke before 7…Seattle all day -got back at 12 and here I am at 1 am writing this….ha. Well tomorrow is my sister’s birthday and school starts so by the beginning of next week I should have a rough routine worked out and can work on the other things like exercise schedules and finding a job. Anyway, I am posting at this hour because I wanted to finish what I last wrote…about time and specifically, moments in time. I believed I stopped on the rather somber note of helplessness. Without further adieu, let’s see if we can continue…

(Continuing from last post)

…Since we find ourselves, many a time becoming frustrated, angry, and emotionally upset by the feeling of helplessness that overcomes us; and all we can seem to do is watch our loved ones struggle through the pain, it can be startling to hear that we can, in fact, actively..help. No-I am not talking about the help people say you are being when you listen and sympathize with them-when you try to let them know how much they mean to you and if you could make their pain and problems go away you would-no, but really do something and help. Now please, I pray you, don’t take me wrong-letting people know your there and telling them how much you love them is important, and, in some cases, that does the trick. However, when I heard my best friend’s voice at the brim with emotion over the phone while she was talking to me, I was stunned. All I could do was listen and then, when it was all over, lamely repeat that I loved her, I cared for her, and if I could make it go away…I would. 

This was just a week or so ago. After this conversation I was kept from my sleep-trying to look up solutions to her problems, and trying to think of what-if anything-I could do. This, unfortunately, seemed to only deepen the depressing ache of helplessness I felt. As my body finally shutdown-exhausted more mentally than anything-I woke suddenly in the morn with a revelation…I could help. I could offer her moments in time. It occurred to me, at least to my subconscious as I was asleep, that she smiles more-laughs more when she is around me. I grasped upon this fact like a hawk clutching tightly its prey, not willing to let it slip from my crushing grasp and ravenous appetite.  I could help because I had the power of every smile and laugh I gave her, and every moment those occurred in. I determined if I, if even for only one second, by way of a smile or laugh make her forget or not feel the pain-the harsh problems she faced in reality…it would be worth it. Would the problem still be there? Yes. Did I make the problems disappear like I wanted? No. But did I help? Yes. I took what each of us have-that ability to make someone smile-laugh- and enjoy themselves, and I took that moment to make it count. Now what I am saying-it’s ok if it seems lame because, in a way, it is. It is rather a cheesy idea that sounds like many others-but don’t underestimate it. After all, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;But by the moments that take our breath away”

Take care and have a good night/morning.

Ok…let us try this again…

Ok…so as of this evening I was officially moved into my dorm room. PLU for the next two years. You know how this day is supposed to be exciting, fun, and nerve-racking? Yeahhhhh…most of today was a pain. I mean I guess my bias is that I have been packing from moving houses so I am sick of the whole process but…eh you don’t need to hear about that. Fact is I am finally somewhat settled. I do admit that I am wondering what freedoms I will be actually missing from being on campus instead of gaining. Granted my best friend was at work most the day but we usually talk with some frequency and, looking at all the fun orientation stuff they shove at you-a busy schedule not conducive to hanging out. I mean it is the first day and I am already thinking about what this will mean for the broad and fine strokes of routine in my life. Just something else to show me how young I am I suppose…and yet I feel so old…(headache and soreness does not help).

But enough about me-what about you? I said I would try to get into a pattern of posting and so I hope to do…however, I will not simply write to write and so if I do not have topics-forgive me. Again you can request a topic if you wish through a message or comment.

I said in my last post I wished to talk to you about time…moments in time to be exact. It is important, so very vitally imperative, that we take advantage of those moments in time. “Those moments” being the ones that make you forget, that take you away, or that simply bring you a small amount of joy. I was talking to my best friend recently and while listening to her tell me what’s bugging her-I came upon a feeling that gripped my core…helplessness. It’s a familiar feeling for those who have loved ones-ones they care about with health issues, disabilities, or other foreign dilemma’s of which we have no skills or knowledge to help them. I would like to have some profound revelation-some awesome wisdom to tell you so you don’t get that feeling of helplessness-which, I believe, is one of the worst…but frankly…I can’t. I say this because there was nothing anyone could tell me to console or make me feel better about the situation. Not the “It’s ok”, “you are helping by listening”, nothing. This is because the feeling of helplessness does not just make you feel “bad”…it dehabilitates, cripples, and brings to you an awful revelation…It is the feeling of thinking-feeling-knowing that there is nothing you can do because you have no control of that situation at all. You have nothing to offer…nothing to contribute…in an essence..you have nothing. You are nothing. But then again, that is not true-is it? There IS something you can do! …You can watch that one you care about…suffer. Watch them waste away into an abyss…a black hole of unfathomable…nothingness.

It is on that dreary note that I must leave you. I apologize for leaving on such a somber idea but I will continue this thought later. I hope you all have a wonderful day and remember…”happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.” Take care.